Should You Launch Yourself Into a Long Distance Relationship?
Long distance relationships have a stigma — they’re difficult and not worth your time. After being in a few and writing about them for the last few years, it’s worth it to put yourself out there. You will have to learn how to be vulnerable, how to be okay with feeling alone, and how it feels when you finally meet that special someone for the first time.
I’m aware that long distance relationships aren’t for everyone, but here’s what I’ve learned in the time I’ve spent with a loved one who was absolutely way too far for my own good but I’m still going to go for it anyways —
I learned how to be okay with my loneliness, and I learned the importance of vulnerability and sharing that trait with others.
According to UCLA professor Matthew Lieberman, our brains are wired so that we, in essence, need to be socially connected with one another. If we aren’t, it can lead to real pain. Crazy, huh?
Feeling alone is just as bad as the other negative feelings we feel — whenever I was in a sticky situation or feeling extra down about myself and the things I couldn’t control, the only thing I wished for was for my significant other to hold me in a warm bed so I could fall asleep at ease. But I wasn’t allowed that option, unless they were rich and had the money to buy plane tickets at the first sight of a tear.
But being alone isn’t all bad. I was able to observe my interactions with others, and how I handle things a little too quickly without giving myself an ample amount of time to think. I learned that I feel feelings so much more strongly than the average person, and took steps to try to alleviate the stress that came along with those feelings. I also quickly learned that being vulnerable, not only to your significant other but with other people around you, is important to creating new friendships as well as building stronger bonds with preexisting ones.
But being alone for too long could backfire, too.
I learned that pushing myself away from people due to my pride and ego bit me in the ass. It doesn’t make me feel good knowing that I’m closing myself off to someone who potentially wanted to get to know me better.
Being alone ties into the fact that at times, I felt as if I needed to be alone to be successful — that having anyone around me would be holding me back, and that if I accepted help from anyone meant I failed at what I was intending on doing. Which turned out awful. I wasn’t communicative, and I wasn’t willing to sacrifice whatever masculinity I had — I didn’t want to look stupid.
Once I got over myself, and decided, “Hey, maybe it’s time to look at accepting help in a different way,” things started looking up for me.
- I have an on-site interview for this Thursday after applying everywhere for months. I ended up applying like crazy to a bunch of internships and jobs within my career path (copywriting, social media marketing, content marketing), and I am so grateful that one came around.
- I’m not too critical of myself anymore. Everyone makes mistakes, and we learn from them. My writing voice has changed since.
- I went out of my comfort zone to make new friends in different fields. I always thought that as a journalist and writer, I should stay within my field. Wrong. Having friends from all over is more beneficial than you think.
There will be times where it gets extremely difficult — communication may not be up to par and emotions that you didn’t know existed may fester up into something more. But with the right person, the efforts that you put into the the relationship will seem effortless.
The stigma will be tough. The looks of dismay and remarks like, “I could never date someone so far away” and “How do you love someone who you’ve never even seen in person yet?” will always come at you. Society is uncomfortable with the idea of long distance dating but I can reassure you, like any other relationship; you can’t knock it ’til you try it.
I hope you enjoyed my piece on launching yourself into something completely uncomfortable, but worth a try! Here are some references to Matthew Lieberman, he’s a great neuroscientist and is definitely worth a read and listen! : )
